Day 61

It's my 61st day of quarantine/lock down/isolation/stay-cation.  

For the most part I'm doing quite well.  I'm much more positive then I thought I'd be.  I'm far from the edge though that feeling comes in and out.  Feelings.  Lots and lots of feelings.  I'm having feelings and I'm spending a great deal of time thinking about feelings.  Whose having them and why.  Will I have them in the same way.  Why do some people seem to have none.  Why are some folks mad when you voice yours or express having the same feelings as them.  Anyhow, lots of feelings being had and thought of.   

61 days at home alone.  Alone.  But only at times lonely.   

I've been thinking about how strange it is that I've not been touched in 61 days.  No hugs, no kisses, strong handshakes, pats on the shoulder, no touch.  It's starting to make me feel tired.  I can only equate this lack of touch with loss.  I've lost something that made me feel so good.  It made me feel loved and connected, like I was part of something bigger than myself.  I miss it.  My body is yearning for it.  I've dozed off a few times and dreamt of who I would hug first.  How will that feel?  Will it only take one hug to get me back or will I have to hug everyone I see for weeks before I feel like I'm full again.  I pity the first man I kiss.  He will be on the receiving end of a flash of lightning and a thunderbolt all in one kiss.  I will be full of some much electricity that I'll be all lit up!  At least I hope.  I hope I'll want to hug and kiss someone after this is all said and done.  I hope I'll want to sit really close to a friend and casually touch them as they speak without thinking about fear and death.  I hope I don't lose the want to be out with others in close quarters listening to music or telling tales and drinking wine till it's 4am.  I hope there will be more days like that to be had.   

I also wish that when those days come we are changed for the better.  I hope artists are treated like the spiritual medical personnel that we are.  I hope venues become revered places of respect and creativity where everyone wants to come in and see, hear and feel what it is to be alive and expressive.  I hope that money doesn't stop young people from dreaming big and having the courage to reach for their dreams.  I hope food is more available to everyone, and good food, free of pesticides and poisonous garbage.  I hope we can all safely see a doctor and not be in fear of losing our homes, cars, lively hoods.  I hope that I can dream again of living my life to the fullest.  I hope that everyone will feel the same.  

I want love to come in like a flood.  I want us to feel drenched in loving.  I will spend more time now fantasizing about how I would love to see the world and the US in post pandemic times.  I don't want to forget any of this time alone.  I don't want to rush it and run from it or pretend it all away.  I want to soak it in.  All the painful nights, all the lonely afternoons, all the silence, all the agitation and discomfort, I need to remember it all.  This is what will change me.  This is what will allow me to proper in the new times.  This is my chrysalis.   

Sending you all so much love.  

You're in my thoughts. I hope you are staying safe and healthy and loving yourself and those around you.  

XO 

M

16 comments

  • Robert Cajigas
    Robert Cajigas Croton-On-Hudson
    My dearest cuz so many of us are feeling your pain , hopefully this will come to an end that will bring us to understand how much our love is needed , to keep us all strong and be kind to others . I love you God Bless.

    My dearest cuz so many of us are feeling your pain , hopefully this will come to an end that will bring us to understand how much our love is needed , to keep us all strong and be kind to others . I love you God Bless.

  • Amara
    Amara United States
    After reading your blog I was crying...because are suffering from coronavirus...Stay healthy. [url=https://www.webhostingonedollar.com/hostgator-black-friday-sale.html]Hostgator Black Friday Deals[/url]

    After reading your blog I was crying...because are suffering from coronavirus...Stay healthy. Hostgator Black Friday Deals

  • Liezel
    Liezel Poland
    wow

    wow

  • Krizia Zuniga
    Krizia Zuniga London
    Hello, Marianne ! Everything that you produce is always worth it, that's why you should never worry if we are going to like it or not. One sure thing is the fact that we are going to love it no matter what the outcome may it be. I want to buy [url=https://best-essay-writing.services/edu-birdie-com-review/]edubirdie[/url] about the album so I can see what others have to say about it. By the way, I want to see more from you because you deserve it.

    Hello, Marianne ! Everything that you produce is always worth it, that's why you should never worry if we are going to like it or not. One sure thing is the fact that we are going to love it no matter what the outcome may it be. I want to buy edubirdie about the album so I can see what others have to say about it. By the way, I want to see more from you because you deserve it.

  • josef
    josef Sydney , New South Wales
    quarantine breaks so many relations but it couldn't break the relation of yours with your fans. after getting stuck at your own house you keep provided entertaining content to others. i appreciate your efforts for all this and as a gift please accept these [url=https://www.video-softwares.com/]Corel Discount coupon codes[/url] by which you can also buy a product of Corel at very reasonable pricing without any issues.

    quarantine breaks so many relations but it couldn't break the relation of yours with your fans. after getting stuck at your own house you keep provided entertaining content to others. i appreciate your efforts for all this and as a gift please accept these Corel Discount coupon codes by which you can also buy a product of Corel at very reasonable pricing without any issues.

  • codey
    codey brazil
    these is no doubt you are master in your work, i can clearly see that you have a great amount of knowledge in it. affordable sewing machines. [url=https://affordablesewingmachines.blogspot.com/]affordable sewing machines[/url] [url=https://sites.google.com/view/cheapsewingmachines/home]cheap sewing machines[/url]

    these is no doubt you are master in your work, i can clearly see that you have a great amount of knowledge in it. affordable sewing machines. affordable sewing machines
    cheap sewing machines

  • Liana
    Liana USA
    This is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for free. [url=https://www.ussdcode.in/]All USSD Codes[/url] I love seeing blog that understand the value of providing a quality resource for free.

    This is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for free. All USSD Codes I love seeing blog that understand the value of providing a quality resource for free.

  • johnlead
    johnlead United States
    I love it. I just want to thank you for this useful weblog. I will surely keep visit your website. Cheers from https://concretenewcastle.net.au/

    I love it. I just want to thank you for this useful weblog. I will surely keep visit your website. Cheers from https://concretenewcastle.net.au/

  • sam
    sam
    You are great! I'm so amazed of your work. This will help me a lot. So far, this is one of the best post I have found. Continue sharing good work and this will be shared to other but do also visit my website affordable tile removal

    You are great! I'm so amazed of your work. This will help me a lot. So far, this is one of the best post I have found. Continue sharing good work and this will be shared to other but do also visit my website affordable tile removal

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous California
    I was very encouraged to find this site. The reason being that this is such an informative post. Thanks for sharing! commercial cabinet makers

    I was very encouraged to find this site. The reason being that this is such an informative post. Thanks for sharing!

    commercial cabinet makers

  • Bill
    Bill USA
    It was a very nice experience being here and I liked it a lot. You can have a look at [url=https://www.ussdcode.in/customer-care/jio-customer-care-number/]Jio Customer Care Number 2021[/url] and resolve your network related problems.

    It was a very nice experience being here and I liked it a lot. You can have a look at Jio Customer Care Number 2021 and resolve your network related problems.

  • Lorriel Sims
    Lorriel Sims Canada
    Try Yoga, Stretch Out Those Muscles and browse some inspiring posts here in [url=http://adubuildersseattle.com/]adu builders seattle[/url]

    Try Yoga, Stretch Out Those Muscles and browse some inspiring posts here in adu builders seattle

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous California
    This is such a great blog. Thank you for sharing your talent with everyone. You are an inspiration. cairns kitchen renovation

    This is such a great blog. Thank you for sharing your talent with everyone. You are an inspiration.

    cairns kitchen renovation

  • Andrea
    Andrea Australia
    Thanks for this great blog of yours. Keep posting. benchtops for kitchens

    Thanks for this great blog of yours. Keep posting. benchtops for kitchens

Add comment